CARROT MAN

Today a man called into my work to place an order. This is a regular but difficult customer. He places an order then calls back several times a day to tweak it. Add items, remove items, ask questions, etc. He is in his 70’s and most likely just wants to talk to someone. I have had other jobs where elderly customers would call us just to speak with another human being. Lonely sad people. This guy is somewhat charming. He has a heavy New Jersey accent and throws terms like “foget about it!” around with reckless abandon. So he calls in on a slow work day and we discuss grains, diet and health in general. He starts telling me about his diet and that’s when things got weird. He informed me that the only thing he has eaten in the last couple of years is carrots. Just carrots. I’m interested now so I urge him to continue. He goes on tell me that his skin is bright orange and that he passed out twice from malnutrition. His feet have also swelled up to enormous proportions  twice resulting in him being hospitalized. The doctors told him to vary his diet or he could die but he didn’t listen to them. (“Doctors?  Wat do they know?  Foget about it!”) He also tells me that he has lost a lot of weight and that his “bones are stickin out every which way”. He recently decided to take the doctor’s advice and vary his diet. He eats seeds now, which is why he’s been contacting me. Carrots, sesame seeds, and millet…  I told him he should probably branch out into other territory like fruit and meat but he’s a stubborn one.  The reason I share this story is for the simple fact that somewhere in New Jersey there lives a bright orange skeleton with huge feet and a crotchety attitude, and the world is richer for it.